Ticket guy
Once everyone has moved in, set up their ‘shag-pads’ (80% of which I promise will never live up to their name) and bought their pre-drinks (or ‘prinks’, as you now refer to them), a new role emerges in this surreal community: the Ticket Guy.
The Ticket Guy has a strange place in the social hierarchy, he (it’s usually a he) accepts a job promoting the god-awful freshers events, in exchange for a small commission on each ticket sold. Usually these are guys that are eager to go out and be sociable, but there is also a strange ‘teachers helper’ vibe to their existence. These guys are great people to befriend, as there is usually a small crowd of people around them for you to meet and you will be guaranteed a discount on all those terrible, terrible nights out that you are definitely going to attend. I was myself a Ticket Guy during my first year at university (the promoters prey on those that desire the position of power, with enough social desperation to carry a chilled aura) and it is not a particularly enjoyable job. You become the campus ball ache, nagging people about the hot event that starts in two hours because you still have shit loads of tickets to get rid of (what do you mean ‘nobody cares that that Bradley from S Club is appearing in a local shithole’?!).
In summary: become friends with the ticket guys, they are real people after all and at least – despite their misinformed way of doing it – you know for sure that they’re in the business of making friends and being sociable.