The Problem With Age Gap Relationships

From 83-year-old Al Pacino expecting a child with his 29-year-old girlfriend Noor Alfallah, to the recent, shocking allegations against ex-ITV presenter Philip Schofield and his relationship with a much younger member of staff, there has been a host of media coverage over the last few weeks surrounding high-profile celebrity couples and their age gaps. 

Everyone seems to have a different view on the matter. Some are now searching for what is the ideal age gap for a relationship if you want it to last, while others believe ‘age gap relationships can create unhealthy power dynamics.’ Where does the line get drawn between an acceptable relationship and one that is predatory?

The main issue for me and many others is when power-play is involved. The recent allegations against ex-ITV presenter Philip Schofield have received traction for the fact that his extra-marital affair with a much younger colleague came from a friendship that had formed when the teen was looking for an entry way into the media world. But the age gap between Schofield and his ex-lover is less compared to the 54-year-gap between Al Pacino and his model girlfriend Noor Alfallah, who is now expecting his fourth child. Not only is the 54-year-gap concerning for their child, who will be 18 years old when his father will be 101, but Pacino’s oldest daughter is four years older than her step-mum, and 33 years older than her soon to arrive sibling.

Although the relationship allegedly started off as friendly, Schofield could have potentially used the romantic relationship as a bargaining chip in helping the young professional excel in his career. It would also be easy for an older, closeted gay man to use the naivety of his younger co-worker to keep their controversial relationship hidden from the media, and from his family, in return for helping him in his career pursuit. When power dynamics like this are involved, that is where the issue lies.

But this power play can also go the other way, where the younger individual is the one who is assumed to be holding the power. 90s model Anna Nicole Smith was renowned for her controversial relationship with her husband J. Howard Marshall, who was 63 years her senior. At the time, many speculated that she had married the billionaire for his money, leading to a complete media lynching aimed at Smith.

This relationship was equally as controversial as Schofield’s, even though it had been between two consenting adults as opposed to a relationship built upon a friendship between a minor and a grown adult. At the time, it seemed that the public’s hatred towards Smith’s relationship seemed almost anti-women, that seeing a woman potentially take advantage of a man meant she was a ‘gold-digging bimbo’ – which is the tip of the iceberg of hatred she faced.

We’ve seen relationships like Al Pacino and Noor Alfallah, Leonardo DiCaprio and his multitude of young girlfriends, and so many others be criticised but mildly accepted – so why the inconsistency? 

Although Schofield has stated the sexual relationship had only occurred after the teen had turned 20, the fact that the relationship – whether friendship at the start or not – began when the boy was barely a teen is the obvious problem here, so why did Smith and Marshall’s relationship receive the same amount of criticism?

Maybe it is discriminatory beliefs like misogyny that indicate whether an age-gap relationship is regarded as acceptable or not. Smith was a consenting participant in her relationship, as was her husband, yet they faced nearly the same response that Schofield has received, with tabloids and magazines calling her all sorts of names like ‘bubble-headed naif and a cynical gold-digger’. In this case, we must all become aware of the prejudices we hold against individuals before speaking our thoughts.

Age gap relationships are a major grey area. There are many factors that go into the dynamics of them, including the power imbalance of the relationship, the benefits gained from the relationship and the safety of the individuals involved. It is much easier to navigate the dynamics of a relationship between two individuals of a similar age and background than it is of one where there is a major power imbalance, whether that be age, wealth or control.

My main issue with Schofield’s relationship with a younger man is the secrets and lies it took to maintain it, and the worrying foundation of a teen boy looking for a job that began the relationship. Care needs to be taken in order to ensure that all relationships, but in particular those with age gaps, are formed in comfortable ways that all parties are happy with and can consent to, so that the threat of grooming is not present. 

Words by Panayiota Demosthenous

Support The Indiependent

We’re trying to raise £200 a month to help cover our operational costs. This includes our ‘Writer of the Month’ awards, where we recognise the amazing work produced by our contributor team. If you’ve enjoyed reading our site, we’d really appreciate it if you could donate to The Indiependent. Whether you can give £1 or £10, you’d be making a huge difference to our small team.