Enfield-based filmmaker Savvas D. Michael’s latest gangster film aims to do as much as possible in its runtime, but fails to do anything meaningful or exciting.
★★✰✰✰
New York-based CEO Michael Hero (Eric Roberts) desperately seeks revenge after his grandson Jackie is accidentally killed in a pub fight in London by married Brits, Lauren (Lois Brabin-Platt) and Luke Loveday (Daniel Caltagirone). Michael Hero places a one-million-dollar bounty on their heads, which brings the world’s leading assassins to London to kill the unfortunate couple and claim the bounty. However, Justin s (Lucas Aurelio), the recently widowed, deadly assassin, vows to protect the Lovedays in memory of his wife and in the name of love.
Both Luke and Lauren Loveday have the potential to be likeable leads, but the depth of their characters onscreen is paper-thin. The pair are on the cusp of divorce, until Luke proves himself as a ‘macho’ man after their unexpected pub brawl. There are a few glimmers of chemistry between them, but, despite the theme of love being a key element in their survival, it rarely feels like these characters love each other at all. Luke is clearly more feminine than most men and is insecure about his masculinity, reinforced through Lauren’s criticisms of him as a man. There’s an opportunity here to explore the concept of traditional gender norms and the power dynamics in romantic relationships, but the whole thing feels superficial and played (unsuccessfully) for laughs. Whether it’s making fun of Luke’s “man-bag” and skin-care routine or just his wimpiness, none of these jokes really seem to land.
One of the main issues with Hitmen is its overstuffed plot, which features too many characters and themes competing for attention. If the film had focused on and explored one of these themes in depth, such as grief and revenge or the dynamics of love and murder, it could have been a more impactful and compelling story. Instead, the movie tries to tackle too many elements, resulting in a disjointed and confusing plot that fails to make anything meaningful with them. Is this a love story or a revenge story? Whose story is it?
A massively wasted opportunity in Hitmen is George St-Pierre’s “The Reaper”, who is introduced as the ultimate killing machine for Don Salvatore Piazza (Marco Leonardi). However, the character is embarrassingly underutilised, and his menace is completely extinguished through a clumsy slip that results in his unceremonious execution in a supermarket aisle. This heavily undermines the threat of the hitmen that follow and wastes St-Pierre’s potential to create a compelling and memorable villain.
Hitmen is burdened by an overabundance of side characters, most of whom outstay their welcome. “The Reaper” at first seemed to be an extremely menacing figure that posed a significant threat to the main characters, but after his death, every other character introduced feels meaningless. These characters seem to exist only to extend the runtime or provide the supporting cast with something to do. Almost every minor character has some unfunny and pointless gag that ruins the pacing and robs the main cast of much-needed screentime for character development. One instance of this involves the Lovedays asking a motel manager for a room to stay in, which is dragged out in a painfully unfunny exchange filled with sex jokes. Some of the more standout assassins are a group of three female hitmen that randomly pop up on screen throughout the film. However, when it comes to their moment of action, they’re quickly eliminated offscreen, only to be stepped over while clearly still breathing, despite being ‘dead’ bodies. With so many newly introduced characters, it’s hard to keep up, as none of them stand out or last for long.
One of the few enjoyable subplots is the backstory of Justin Villains, a suicidal hitman suffering after his wife Valerie’s (Summer Zamiska) death from cancer. The pair met when Valerie reached out to him for help, desperate to have her abusive boyfriend assassinated. They both riddled him with bullets, and Valerie developed a taste for killing. Following this is a Bonnie and Clyde-style relationship that sees them both married and working together as hitmen and lovers, only to be cut short by Valerie’s sudden illness. Justin, with the barrel of a pistol in his mouth, receives a call ordering him to kill the Loveday couple. He refuses without a second thought and vows to protect the two from harm in the name of love. While Justin Villains’ character has some development, he’s introduced out of nowhere with no context for his appearance and story until almost an hour into the film, which detracts from his impact on the overall plot.
The fundamental problem with Hitmen is its inability to decide who the main characters are meant to be. Luke and Lauren Loveday are the most obvious choices, but then Justin Villains is introduced seemingly out of nowhere. There’s also the elaborate vendetta of Michael Hero and his family drama, which feels disconnected and impersonal to the actual events of the film. Although Michael Hero is supposed to be important, he mostly lingers in New York City waiting to hear how things are going. All the flitting about between countries and different characters makes it easy to forget that the film is supposed to be a gangster crime story set in London.
The Verdict
Savvas D. Michael’s Hitmen aims to be a tale of revenge and downfall that ends like a Shakespearean tragedy. However, unlike Romeo and Juliet, the tragic loved-themed tale in this film ultimately falls short of delivering on its ambitions. The movie’s ending feels underwhelming and unsatisfying, relying on a deus ex machina gunning down that fails to provide a meaningful resolution to the story. Overall, Hitmen has some promising ingredients, but it fails to make anything meaningful with them.
Words by Kieran Webb
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