Book Review: Holy Cow // David Duchovny

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“I can no longer be part of the herd. I want to be heard.”

Before the sudden burst to stardom David Duchovny endured in the early 90s through the cult television hit The X-Files, he was in fact a writer. Well. He thought of himself as a writer, first and foremost. Duchovny studied English Literature at Princeton and began a Ph.D in Literature at Yale. But then acting became of interest, so he was left with an ABD – All But Dissertation. And the rest is history.

Many people probably wouldn’t have expected that Duchovny’s first novel would have such a surprising yet simple premise. Or that he has now deemed himself a ‘cow-writer’ to that of Elsie, the real author of this story. It’s probably worth mentioning that Elsie is actually a cow, wanting her amazing journey of self-discovery to be herd. Let the cow puns begin.

The novel oozes Duchovny’s humor and wit, which if you’re familiar with, will mean that if you read this book in public you will constantly be stifling back a laugh. It’s such a unique book in the sense that Duchovny seems to have had a lot of freedom in terms of writing this novel, making it both comfortable for him to write and the reader to enjoy. Mainly through the interesting form that it’s written in. You’d think that would be from the fact that this story is indeed being written by a cow: “How am I writing this, you may wonder, when I have no fingers? Can’t hold a pen. Believe me, I’ve tried”. Half the story is written in screenplay form (as Elsie’s editor has told her will help in terms of getting filmmakers interested into making her story into a film), and of course, her frequent conversations between herself and her editor in terms of what audiences she should be aiming towards, i.e. adults or children. Or both, as Duchovny has stated. Which I agree with, but for actual parents might be an acquired taste. Mainly because of one (albeit short) chapter on pig circumcision. And some swear words. But in all honestly, all of this would fly over a child’s head. Hopefully. Which is what Duchovny has certainly aimed to do with this novel.

Although for a book aimed towards kids and adults, it’s actually quite an emotional and profound read. The main premise of Holy Cow is Elsie’s story of revelation and self-discovery. After being exposed to the realities of what actually happens to Mother cows when they leave their calves on the farm, she decides to escape to India, where cows are sacred. And won’t be slaughtered or eaten. Along the way, she joins forces with a pig named Shalom (formerly Jerry, before he converted to Judaism) and a turkey named Tom. Shalom and Tom too know about their fate, with Shalom wanting to escape to Israel because of Kosher laws and Tom wanting to escape to Turkey because, well, it’s named after him. Surely they can’t hurt him there.

Not only does Duchovny raise issues of how we treat our animals, but also that with the simple lives they lead, they can have dreams too. Whether that be Elsie’s dream of creating a better fate for herself, Shalom’s dream of being able to feel safe with his own people or Tom’s dream of being able to fly. Tom’s necessity to fly was actually the dream that stuck out to me throughout the whole novel. Duchovny writes this so eloquently:

“Even though he was in a metal tube, he was up in the air for the first time. Where a bird should be. For the first time in his life, he wasn’t an oxymoron. I could see him flex his wings with the banking and leaning of the plane, the ascending and descending, as if he were the one flying.”

And not only does Duchovny manage to pour an emotional and poignant deliverance throughout the novel, he also manages to refer to a handful of musicians through chapter titles (The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Warren Zevon…to name a few) and write dozens of pop culture references throughout the chapters themselves. All through the psyche of a cow.

How he manages to make the fact that a cow, pig and turkey can order airplane tickets let alone fly on an airplane that believably I will never know. At not one point did I question that fact. As Duchovny states at the end of the book:

“Trust the tail, not the teller.”

 Words by Sophie

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