Dating In Your 20s: The Ups And Downs And How To Overcome Them

Dating in your twenties can often be compared to the game ‘the floor is lava’ where you have to actively aim to avoid the lava by staying afloat, but the lava is everywhere you look. However, the game has a certain thrill to it, so you want to play and see if you can make it across successfully. But occasionally, some people are bound to fall deep in and get stuck in a cycle of lava-filled failed ‘situationships’ (a term most Gen Z’s will be familiar with) and the cyclical dooming feeling of swiping left and right on multiple dating apps. Those who make it across the lava pool are the rare lucky ones. 

What are your experiences dating in the modern day? 

Dating in the modern day has been a difficult experience, to say the least, with the majority of romantic interactions occurring over a screen and a lack of rom-com fantasies. 

After repeated failed situationships, experiences with ghosting, and having to deal with warped ideas about what’s ‘casual’ the dating scene can be confirmed to be a place from the underworld. 

Situationships (take Carrie Bradshaw and Mr Big for instance), are beyond confusing, with the constant hot and cold treatment. Using Taylor Swift’s words from ‘Foolish One’, they give you “just enough attention” to keep your “hopes too high”. This also makes it difficult to weed out those who want something serious because of the constant differing treatment. 

After speaking to a few people, some common themes that arose revolved around being disheartened and almost exhausted, with dating feeling “rubbish” since they felt as if men were either “not serious or bored”. Dating was described as “tragic” and “tragically disappointing” often. 

Ultimately, a lot of the responses we weeded through were slightly negative, however, there were some positive outcomes! Dating definitely has its upsides too, with being able to meet new people and experiencing exciting adventures, and some people described it as “easy” and “wonderful” once you find someone who is “also looking for what you are looking for”! The 20s are all about exploring yourself and experiencing different dating situations so no matter the outcome, it’s all fun! 

Do dating apps help or hinder us?

With the rise of modern technology, there has also been an increase in modern dating via dating apps. Bumble, Hinge, and Tinder are almost the Holy Trinity of dating apps but there are multiple more out there. However, although they aim to provide further connections, do dating apps actually help anyone? Or have they caused dating to witness a steadfast decline, hindering us all further? 

Dating apps can be quite beneficial, allowing people to connect with others a lot easier and sometimes it can feel like an introvert’s dream. Many great love stories have arisen from dating app successes. Romcom experiences can definitely come out of these dates, with James, 20 giving us all hope, saying “The last person I added before giving up is now my partner.” 

However, generally dating apps can appear to hinder us because how much can you really get to know a profile? Often there is a lack of connection because there is a lack of a personality showcased through meaningless profiles and it just feels like a huge game of smash or pass.

Often, a reason why so many people feel disheartened is also because it’s difficult to find someone aligned with what you want. Some want something serious whereas others are looking for something more casual and therefore it can also be difficult to navigate who is using dating apps primarily for sexual reasons. Aailah, 19, highlighted how she has been the victim of “unwanted images being sent” and this is a recurring experience. Therefore, this sometimes makes it harder to weed out those who want something serious and whose values align with yours. 

Advice for those struggling on the dating scene!

Some advice for people who are currently struggling on the dating scene is not to give up! Sometimes actively seeking out relationships feels a bit difficult, however, when it is least expected, the right person will come along!

We also asked some people via a survey to offer some of their wise dating advice, which has been listed below. 

Jasmine, 19, said, “Just get with your bestie instead!”

Aaliah, also 19, advised, “Have patience and don’t settle for anything less than you want.” 

Ross, 21, said “To just not do it. Stick to manifesting celebrity crushes or hope your friends have any hot friends they could set you up with.”

Let us know your dating app successes/horror stories or any advice you have to share! 

Words by Momnah Shahnaz